The Top 11 Sexiest Women

What's up with these Sexiest Women polls? They're so subjective - beauty (or rather, sexiness - they're two very different things, you know) is in the eye of the beholder, after all - and therefore such lists are unavoidably inaccurate to someone out there. Probably a lot of people, actually. We will probably never, ever know who the Sexiest Women on this planet truly are - the Women that will unite everyone on the planet, where we can all agree, "YES. These are the Sexiest Women on the Earth." But we can speculate...

Stuff Magazine has recently published its 100 Sexiest Women list. The Top 10 are as follows.

10. Christina Aguilera - Wow. Really? Isn't she, like, kinda gross?

9. Malin Akerman - Hello! Who are you? Cool name, too - "Malin Akerman" sounds like the name of a James Bond villain.

8. Angelina Jolie - We're not surprised she made the list, nor are we not surprised she wasn't ranked higher - running around the world adopting kids instead of acting all insane like she used to do diminishes your sexiness.

7. Olivia Wilde - New blood. Striking! Kind of cat-like. Christopher Nolan, take note when you get around to putting Selina Kyle in one of your Batman movies.

6. Sienna Miller - Sienna's almost as much a head-scratcher as Paris Hilton. Why the hell is she famous? Because she sleeps with (and breaks up with) famous guys and is often photographed naked? I guess we just answered our own question.

5. Katharine McPhee - Sure. Why not?

4. Eva Longoria - 10 bucks says if Desperate Housewives wasn't such a popular show, Eva wouldn't even be in the top 100. 10 bucks. Any takers?

3. Jessica Alba - Predictable. Do you have a great acting gig in you, Jessica, or are you just going to coast by on your tricks like pouting and smiling?

2. Scarlett Johansson - WHY?! Yes, she has a giant rack, but she's so goddamn boring! Rage.

1. Jessica Biel - Huh. Really. Well, in some ways, Jessica is the most man-like of the Top 10 - she looks like she goes to the gym about eight times a day. And we assume the majority of participants that took this poll were men, so... maybe there's a comforting familiarity there.

So that's nice. Here are our choices - and, in keeping with tradition, we're doing a Top 11 rather than a Top 10.

11. Rachel Bilson - Yeah, she's not the best lil actress in the world, but there's something mesmerizing about Rachel. She has secrets. It's no surprise she ended up in a damn Zach Braff movie.

10. Zooey Deschanel - Zooey's awesome 'cause not only is she a fiery cutie-pie, she seems like she'd just be cool to hang out with... play a little Xbox, do some shots, order some pizza, make out on the couch...

9. Naomi Watts - She's lost some points lately 'cause she's pregnant with Liev Schreiber's kid (???), but Naomi will forever be in our hearts thanks to her super-sexy cuckoo-bird turn in Mulholland Dr. and for stealing our hearts as well as the big ape's in King Kong.

8. Julianne Moore - The most gorgeous redhead out there, period. Classy, smart lady, good at delivering a super-intense performance when you need one. Plus she's gotten naked a lot.

7. Hilary Swank - Ah, Hilary. We enjoyed having an affair with you whilst you were married to Chad Lowe. Now that you're a Single Woman, probably Enjoying Single Woman Sex, you seem all the more unattainable. Plus you're starring in a horror movie. Take thy beak from out our hearts...

6. Milla Jovovich - Milla's awesome. Period. She's nuts. She's cool. There's no stopping her. She is Mother Nature. Fear her. Worship her.

5. Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Some new blood here. Mary was cute in Final Destination 3 and will probably be even cuter in Grindhouse and Live Free or Die Hard (as John McClane's daughter), but it is her frequent various red carpet appearances where you can see the true VIXEN shining through.

4. Rose McGowan - She used to date Marilyn Manson. That's just dumb. But Rose has come a long way since being the girl who got trapped in the garage door in Scream. Now she's got a machine gun in place of one of her legs. That's progress.

3. Keira Knightley - So British, so beautiful. The Bonnie Lass of the Caribbean. That thing she does with her mouth in every movie she's in... no, we'll never get tired of that.

2. Natalie Portman - Who in their right mind, in all mental health, would not want to go out on a date with Natalie Portman? Ladies, we pose this question to you as well.

1. Rosario Dawson - Yep. Rosario. She has the looks and body of a goddess and the personality of the super-cool neighborhood girl who lived down the block and taught you how to use fireworks. She's got her own comic book, for the love of Pete. She stars in Robert Rodriguez and Kevin Smith movies. To quote the late, great Beta Band - "She's the one."

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